In Love With Me, At 43

Good September, my sweet little kittens…

Today is a day of GRAND appreciation…I’m turning 43 today and oh, has the Lord blessed me!

Me at 3 with a cake of Wonder Woman that my mother had made. To this day, I love this icon. Can’t believe this was not only taken 40 years ago, but that I can also see my nearly 3yr old daughter staring back at me.

I would like to say that this day is all about me…but that’s not only untrue, it is unwanted. I can choose to take any day solely for myself, so this day, I choose to engulf myself in the thoughts, sentiments and love I have for those who have seen me and/or helped me get to this place.

There was a time, not too distant in my past, where I was consumed with unhappiness and depression. Fantasies of suicide filled many of my waking hours. I was convinced that my sweet toddler deserved some other mother-figure to raise her…anyone but me. And…I often would tell my husband this, breaking his heart, each and every time. He was afraid to leave me with her while he went to work and I shudder to think the type of turmoil and pain I caused him…yet, he stayed and loved me through it.

Fast-forward to today, I have joy, peace and emotional security. My weight is down, overall health is well, my daughter is a whirlwind of incredible wonder and delight, my husband loves us and my home-baking business, Fabulista Cookies is growing.

I can appreciate allllll of the suffering, pain and questioning that has happened over my lifetime and there have been many, but the smell of crisp morning air has a way of slowing me down and reminding me that God painted the sky just for me that day. I am not alone or forgotten or insignificant. I matter to those of value in my life…how could I go wrong with that?

This is not to say that I live in a wonderland of flowers talking back to me, kittens, no, it is to say that even though I have relatives that don’t acknowledge or support me, “friends” who side-eye and covet what I have and some financial hang-ups, I’m still in love with me, at 43. I’VE MADE IT so much further than an unenumerable amount of people, healthy or not and because of this, I choose to make “my day” about further appreciating others who have loved me when I was unlovable.

Sure I’m awake when my husband and daughter are soundly tucked away in bed…but not disrupting them for my own selfishness is one way of me loving and putting them first. I will likely cook a meal today rather than it being served to me, and that too is okay because I have a family to cook for who enjoys eating my food. What a gift.

I even accept birthday wishes differently because no one is obligated to well-wish you…and so when the effort is made, regardless if they remembered on their own or had a social media prompting, I’m blessed and flattered by it, not offended by the how, when and or if one even came at all….because ultimately, who cares? God wishes me a Happy Birthday each time I am able to close the day out as a family and start again together the next day.

Happy Birthday to me…you’ve come a long way baby…

I love you Kittens…make the special effort to acknowledge someone’s birthday, accomplishment or effort to reach a goal…it may be the only support they receive.

MUAH!

Being Off Balance Can Wreck Sh*t

Good mooooorning, my little Kittens!

Soooo, a few of you may recall that I am a baker (FabulistaCookies.com). Well, I have been under some stress about growing my business because my oven has gotten progressively worse with incorrect heating and baking times. Normally, my cookies bake at 350 for 12mins…now they were at 365 for 15mins…and it was starting to change, again. If there is one thing I detest, it is wasting time and materials on things that can be avoided…only, I wasn’t sure what to do since a new oven wasn’t in the budget.

As luck would have it, I kept getting orders and finally told my husband that I needed to get something else in here. I looked on Facebook Marketplace and found a wonderful, vintage stove with a center griddle and a stove cover/shelf. I ADORE my new-to-me stove, only it needs to be thoroughly cleaned before I can move it in, as it was sitting in the seller’s garage for about 3yrs.

So yesterday, my fine, sexy, piece of deliciousness husband of mine suggests that MAYBE because the floor is uneven in our rental, that MAYBE it is effecting the way the stove cooks. Nevermind that I have been asking for MONTHS for him to help me level it because the cooking oil all running to one side of the stove was driving me nuts when I was cooking up some deliciousness.

I decided to give it a try because if nothing else, something I had been wanting to check off of my To-Do List would be getting done. It took some back and forth maneuvering, but by golly, 20 mins later we got that mofo to balance out and the stove felt soooo wonderfully sturdy. I wanted to test bake some cookies in case it worked, but was still nervous that it wouldn’t and then would be right where I left off…except with a cleaner, more balanced stove.

Last night, I went for it…baked some of my tempting Java Tha Chunk cookies and they came out SUPERB!! I was air humping and gyrating on the door frame…just being all kinds of obscene ridiculousness…but your girl is BACK!

That being said, I’m back to taking orders again…cookies, anyone? 😉

So you see…being off balance can wreck sh*t. What is off balance in your life? Your relationships? The way you see yourself? Understanding your passions and life purpose? It can cost us a lot of time, money and energy when we are unbalanced…especially when a simple and FREE fix is right under our noses. Do some cat-like investigating…curiosity killed the cat, not deliberate investigation.

Oh, and as for my new-to-me stove…looks like it is going to see a bit more garage time…but this time it will be because I am restoring it to its former glory to still use one day. I’m in no hurry, I’ve got my old groove back.

Well Kittens, I have some baking to do…what sweetness do you plan to indulge in today? Whatever it is, be sure to share some and make someone else’s day…MUAH!

-MEOW!

Fabulista Cookies can be found on Facebook & Instagram

The Perfect Procrastinator

“New Year, New Me…”

Mmmm-hmmmm. Typical saying of a procrastinator. How so? Is it REALLY necessary for us to wait an ENTIRE YEAR just to get our ish together??

With today being the 1st of January in this ever-so-promising 2019, I thought, “hey, why not WAIT to post this until the first?” Wait…and wait I did. Now, some may argue that this was more strategic planning than procrastination but my argument is, why couldn’t I have posted this sooner in the lead-up to the new year? Procrastination, is why.

What else might you find yourself waiting to do until, “the right time,” of which usually never gets here? Lose weight (again), start/finish school, get married, have a baby, yadda-yadda?? So stop waiting and start doing. My mother used to always say that whether or not you are doing something, time is still going to pass, so why not be doing something productive?

I married at 38, had my first baby at 40 and am going for my BS in Health Care Administration at 42, while engaged in several lines of work, including, baking from home (FabulistaCookies.com). It is never too late to start again, or for the first time. I get so frustrated at myself for the limitations I place on myself, all the while looking around me to see which circumstances I can blame.

Enough with waiting for the right time…sometimes you have to be aggressive and just make time, even if that means being inconvenient to yourself or those around you to get it done. Getting up a tad earlier or staying up a bit longer may be what it takes…so do it. We have no problem “sacrificing” for the fun stuff…now how about doing it for that which has longevity in our lives?

Take care of you first, even in the most minute way, and the rest of the world will unfold around you.

Happy 2019 New Year, kittens…may this year purr of Love, Peace, Financial Prosperity and Longevity…all in that order. MUAH!